Depression and a bit more

So, I'm not reading trans blogs as much as I would like,I dont know,I always feels that the day passes too quickly and thaat I miss a lot of things,maybe it is because I have a hard time to concentrate or focus in something...I watch some youtube videos about but usually got myself thinking of thousand of things while I watch a girl and have no idea of what she said,and end up having to watch the video again,and if it is too long,dont watch it until the end,even if I really want to watch it,Im loosing my desire on doing those things more then  before,maybe is the feelings of depression getting stronger.My mom was talking to my grandfather that my brother and I are too alone and that they are worried.I like that they worry about me,I wish I got the strength to explain what is happening to them,or that they force me to do it somehow...
I'm getting tired of living like this,tired of not being able to tell people how I feel.Yesterday,Michel Turtchin(Appeard in a brazilian reality show,works with marketing)had a new profile photo(i think that he is pretty handsome,check his fb to see*-*)and I really wish that I could comment on it(in other photos too).I know that it sound stupid,but I wish that I could write and say what I feel to other people,to know who I am better,so other people could know what I like,dislike...
Maybe my father will travel this week(for work),and maybe it will be good if I come out to my mother only,and then talk with her and then come out with my father with(I hope)my mother's help.It is really stupid that I still do this thing of only say tha I want to come out,but never do it.I feel so retarded,because I know that there is something I can do about my feelings and that Im letting myself turn into the complete opposite of what I always thought that I should be(Like I said before,people say that I look like my father and he is big and manly,and my body is starting to get like that,and already got a bit)...
Writing my feelings in this blog is really helping me,I just want to start therapy and then hormones...
A lot of thing to do for school,and some in groups and with presentation to the entire class(wich I hate)and wating to my chemistry's grade in the last test(worst test so far in this year and maybe in my entire life)...
A lot of thoughts in my head,I wish that I had someone to really trust(that weird annoying guy I told before is cool sometimes but I just can't stand him most of the time,personality and hygiene wise)and that my brother was more accepting of my transition...
Bye