quinta-feira, 26 de fevereiro de 2015

Not Ready

  My summer vacations were supposed to end today, but since it's on a Tuesday, I thought it would be better to just skip those two days. I'm not excited at all to be back at college, specially because I'll have to start a internship somewhere, they give points I'll need to be able to graduate. I haven't done a lot of things to get those points, so I'm nervous. And there's the last project I'll need to do for the last year, I'll have to present it to a crowd and teachers acting as judges. Not looking forward to that.

  And next year it's the last year of college, and just like high school I'm wasting all my time instead of enjoying this part of my life. I wish I could be at home 24/7, like most of my summer vacation. I can be online all day, watch a movie at night, sleep and wake up the next day to do it all over again. Without having to worry about classes, dealing with people, etc. Just the thought I'll have to go back to that and more makes me sick to my stomach.

  I'm daydreaming a lot as usual, my "main" fantasy life had some changes, I keep doing research(I think that's called fantasy planning) to know how things would work out in this fantasy, how my daydream-self would handle things, etc. I wish I could live her life instead of mine. Because I don't think I should be so lucky this character have Complete Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome, it gives her a lot of pain for some time(and long lasting social anxiety), but beside therapy she finds a hobby that helps her go through it and that changes her life.

  Once again I try to write down my feelings and it comes out weird. And I was thinking of titling this post "Not Read for Reality" but that would be hands down the most corny title of my blog.