sábado, 21 de abril de 2012

terça-feira, 3 de abril de 2012


 How to start.My father wants to find me a therapist,but not the wonderful one I found,but still,he wants me to do something to loose my shyness first,so I can express myself better.He talked to me about transition one day in the car.He believes most transpeople are depressed because of the surgery,they can't have pleasure and some are so miserable they want to drag people to their suffering,comparing it with drug users.He says that he worries about me and don't want to put me in this world  like this.He said he talked to a hundred of doctors and all said is impossible to do hormones before 18.He lies a lot,I really doubt he really talked with doctors about that.My mother was so mean to me a Saturday morning,she even came to the point of saying that she would rather have the dog as a child,because she will not change her gender,but still she acts normal with me after that.
 My body hair is growing,I'm starting to have chest hair and hair in my back,is disgusting.I started participating in the Social Anxiety Support forums,and is pretty good.If you want to find me there my nickname is Smoothie.I've been escaping to my magical world again,imagining my life as female,or listening to the sound of music all day long.I just want to start hormones soon,I'm afraid that by 18 I will be too manly to pass.If I ever get to be life my father physically then I'm screwed.I look quite like him,my hands are thicker than most 16 year old,but still not as big as an adult's hand,but I still don't know how long they will stay this size.My worst nightmare is to be past 18,no hormones and looking extremely masculine,then I will have no hope to pass...
I supposed not to enter transwebsites,I'm trying my hard,my parents think I'm alienated,that if I stop seeing those things I will change my views,that life isn't just that.The worst is it seems they don't believe when I say I feel like that since young,maybe because I felt like a tomboyish girl I wasn't so flamboyant as most young transsexuals,but they probably will not understand.It makes me disgusted that they probably think I'm having a typical teen identity crisis,I know what I am A WOMAN.I always been the quite perfect son,but it seems like for my mother being trans just overwhelms it all.
I just wanted to post a update after a long time of absence.