segunda-feira, 17 de setembro de 2012

Travel List


sábado, 8 de setembro de 2012

See you all when I'm 18

Today after class(yes,I have a extra class on Saturday and Monday) I went to the mall with my family.It started with my mother forcing me to wear shorts.I have to wear them ever since my legs started to get really hairy,and she still forces me to do it.Also,I could not wear a hoodie or jacket because it's too hot,so I felt really unconformable.
 We ate first in a nice restaurant,I really liked the food.My brother and I went to the bookstore while my parents went see things for the house.Some time later we found them in the bookstore,and they started to show books to us.One was about lacking D vitamin caused depression,like it would make me happier out of sudden.Proceding,my father found a drawing tutorial book for kids,and showed me,I took a quick look at it,I was pretty much sad/bored since we left the house.He then flipped for me being emotionless,and then we left.
 At the car,he and my mother started to argue on many things,with me being of course,the one who caused all of this.He started talking about how I only got worst after coming out,that I needed to change for whatever I wanted to do.My mother said I talk to frustrated people online,that me being like this must be a curse or punishment,that she should have become a whore instead of being a respectful woman,that I was raised right and some kids are not and turn into normal men,and kept denying I have any problem,and that I'm too shy to do something so radical,that I'll be deformed.My father then made sounds like of a mentally retarded,trying to imitate how I am all the time.He said that he tried helping me with a therapist(non GT) and that I need lots and lots of physiological tests with a trustful therapist,not a biased one(it's how he refers GT,and when I found one he did not wanted me to do therapy with her).He agrees I have a problem,but that is complicated and not even I understand,but gladly he knows is not something I choose.He kept saying hormones,silicon,surgery will not be my saviors,he just don't get it.
 Apparently there's no way to convince them I'm not mentally handicapped,that being transsexual is not all of that they think it is,they think they own the truth on very single subject,not only in gender identity.If I get the so called therapist my father said that he still is looking for,is not going to be GT.I'm not sure either if I will still be browsing any trans-related website,sure they give me hope,but after today I'm all alone with transition,and I will probably get really un-passable when I'm 18.I just wish I could have my dream live,living as myself,with friends,getting into a nice college in design course,finding a nice job,moving to a apartment designed how I like,traveling around Europe and Japan,but it probably will not happen,not with me hating myself.