quinta-feira, 30 de junho de 2011

I feel bad...

Midyear now.Came out?No.Male hormones still damaging my body?Yes.Feeling good about my self?No.Depression?Yes
My life sucks now.I'm having a bad time at school(I needed to get a grade like 70 in chemistry,but I couldnt),I see new body hair(like I didnt had enough of it),my hair is falling a bit(I can see my head depending on the light on that part right next to the forehad),I'm not in hormones like I wished in this year.In my plannings I was supposed to came out at January...I hate myself for not coming out yet,and now there are going to be the recuperation tests(chemistry,maybe physics or math too)and I dont know if I let the letter to my parents to read while Im on recuperation class(classes in the morning,and test at 2pm)...
My brother doesnt support my coming out at all,he always says that it will "ruin the family",it only makes me feel nervous about it,because like I said before,I really dont know exactly how my parents will react to it.
Sometimes I just wish people know that,or know that I dont like girls,know something.
ps:sorry for bad grammar,Im not in the mood to care

3 comentários:

  1. I'm really sorry you're having such a hard time. So listen, I'm not trying to tell you what to do; I don't know your situation as well as you do, but I will share a couple things with you.

    What your brother said sounds incredibly familiar to me. It's exactly what my older sister told me before transition. Aside from her, I also have a younger sister, an older brother, and my father - my mom died some years go. My older sister told me that if I went ahead with this, it would rip the family apart, that no one would be able to handle it, and that I was being selfish.

    Well, as it turned out, the only one who couldn't handle it was her. My father is proud of my for what I'm doing, my younger sister and I are closer than ever, and my older brother and I have basically the same relationship as always. A bit distant, but we're just very different people, we love each other. My older sister is the only one I no longer talked to, and it may sound heartless to say, but my life is better for it. I can't tell you how surprised I was to find out that doing this thing which I had been so afraid would separate me from my family actually wound up being the thing that brought me closer to all of them.

    I also really feel for you with the depression; it's something I battled as well. Dealing with a secret like this makes everything in your life harder.

    I wouldn't dream of telling you what to do; you can make that decision for yourself. But I want you to know that sometimes, things work out better than you could have hoped.

  2. Te desejo sorte anjo.
    Eu quando criança ouvia uns conselhos idiotas do meu tio.



    de tanto eu ouvir gente idiota acabei tendo uma vida vazi depressiva e horrivel

    se eu oudese voltar ao passado eu diri a mim mesma




    mas depois de ter lutado contra mae e familia

    foi dificil

    agora tenho aceeitaçao da familia e mesmo se naoo tivesse estaria feliz comigo mesma..

    só estou contando a minha historia

    mas oq mais me arrependo de eu
    nao ter feito mais jovem a transiçao

    bjos se cuide

  3. Obrigada Julia^^ mas acho que ele n fala por maldade,meu irmao sempre foi meu melhor amigo
    Thanks Rhiann,he also said that Im only thinking of myself,but I feel bad because we are each other best friend,and sometimes he even talk about the transition,but others he is completly against it.My mother is closer to me than my father,and sometimes I think that she will accept me because she is very loving,but sometimes I think she will not want me to transition at 15,and my father will probably not accept at first.
    Im trying hard to come out as soon as possible,because like I said in older posts,people say I look like my father when he was younger,and he is a manly man.I already have large feet and my hand are not very feminine,and if Im going to look like him,if I get older maybe I will have no chance to pass or to be happy with myself.Yes sometimes I think that it better come out,and maybe they accept me,or at least I will not regret for not trying.