We've Only Just Begun

  I already wrote here that time passing freaks me out. I love the song "We've Only Just Begun",it's supposed to be a celebration of youth but it always makes me feel awful. I imagine young people(fictional or real) listening to it,being able to relate to it,and in the future(or listening to the song in the past and being older now) they'll only feel nostalgia about that time of their lives.

 By thinking of it I started to daydream about this young couple driving to a coastal town to spend their weekend there. As in the song,it's their first time in that city,so even though it's small they take a while to find a hotel. Later they buy a hat because it's sunny and they didn't brough one,and a t-shirt as a way to remember this day. They walk down the beach,talking about the future. How their first home will be like,how their ideal home will be like,how many kids will they have,what their names will be and how will they look like,etc.

  I was very caught up in this daydream,I felt so much peace and hapiness from it,I could see some quick scenes of each of those scenarios. The girl was a idealized version of myself,and because I've watched Ordinary People recently and I'm having a Timothy Hutton thing,his adorable young self was the boyfriend.

  All of sudden I snapped out of it. I don't know how to explain,but everything felt so harsh. There was no happy feeling now,no cute memories and moments,I was back to being me. I honestly cannot picture myself in a relationship,even less while young. I keep feeling anxious about time passing,thinking of fictional or non fictional people growing old,etc but at least they all have good memories of their youth,I'm not going to have that.