My Parents Reaction and Talk

 

Hi
My father called my brother and I,showed the letter and started talking.He says
that he wants to help me,wants me to be happy and want to go to therapy together.My mother said some really mean things,and showed that doesn't know nothing about being transsexual,wants me to go to church,pray and live as a guy(or at least gay),that I think turning into a woman is "cool" because of the media and Internet,thinks I'm too young,that all transwomen are prostitute or have bad jobs,that I will regret,that I never showed nothing that would make her think that I'm trans(she thinks I would need to be super girlish or something,and didn't want to read anything about transsexualism.Them both think I've been a little manipulated by the people I talk in the Internet,and I tried to explain that is not like that.
They don't want me to talk to these people,but I will still do that,and I hope that the therapist will help them to understand.
It surprised me that my father was calm and my mother was the mean one.After the talk she is treating me the loving way as always.I made a list of questions and points to give to the therapist,one of them is to not have two many months to therapy,because I don't want to get super manly at 18,then transition will be pointless.
Can't wait to therapy next week(at least my father said)
Bye

I Came Out

This morning,I was thinking with myself "It's the end of the year already,and this was supposed to be the year were I would come out and start transitioning."
Thinking of that,I got the letter(my parents was looking for a remote control in my room and almost found it)put it on the table with a pink crocodile pin(the ones for food bags)so it would draw attention.I was not thinking at that point,I just did what I had too.
At school,I was anxious.Sometimes,I would think "I did it?I let the letter for them to read?am I dreaming?".
When I got in the car to go to lunch,my mother(who is a happy talkative person)was kinda sad and quiet,but still loving(asked about school,gave me a little massage on my hair,etc).
At the letter I wrote that my parents should wait until them both were at home,so she didn't said anything about(she is right next to me).I also said that I don't believe in God anymore in the letter,and now she asked if I pray before sleep in a very calm way.
I can't wait for tonight,maybe my parents will talk to me about it.My brother doesn't know that I did it.
Bye

Crossdressed in front of my mother

So,I got a new haircut since last week.Its kinda weird,because it looks like a bit like this image above(Remus Farseer from Guin Saga).but only in the front.But is messy(its very lightly wavy).If I brush it it looks straight.So,I started to let it brushed for fun at home,because it looks really funny.Today when I did that(just some minutes ago)I wore a scarf,my mothers glasses and her jacket.She and my brother laughed a lot.I have to admid that I looked funny,but cute^^
She said that my father would be mad to see me like that.I believe so.
Bye

My Mother

Hi
So,in the last few years I've been noticing that my mother,in a friendly and not threatening way,that she have two sons,that are men and are going to date woman.
She says that in a friendly way and sometimes in random occasions(at least she doesn't say that too much,very few times).For me it looks like she really want a good future to me,but unfortunately,is not the future I want to myself.
Yesterday I said that it annoys me when she says that,and she didn't understood why(I didn't said why).
Should I wait till she says that again and talk to her(and then come out)?
Yesterday she also said that she wish to be born a man in her next live(of course,a joke because of period and stuff),and I almost said that if she wanted we could trade our "parts" XD
I should have said something....
Bye^^
EDIT__________
good news:http://tinyurl.com/3s7fnmn

That Guy

You know that guy I talked about,the one who is best friends of that girl(I want to be friends with them),that I talk with and anonymous formspring?I don't know if my feelings are a crush or something like that,sometimes I really wish to date him.He is good looking(in a cute/hot way,I wish I could put a photo of him here so you guys could know but I think is not fair with him,he have a natural body for a 15 years old),funny,polite,a little bit shy,have some similar views on dating(think is wrong to hook up with anyone you see),he is that type of cute friend(from what I see),he is not that type of guy that be friends with girl with others intentions,he is very sweet and respectful.Sometimes I wish that everybody could know how much of a great person he is.But still I think he deserve a better person,much more good looking than me(I'm not ugly,just my low self esteem,but I'm not gorgeous too).
Sorry for this,I just needed to rant
Bye

Thoughts,Very Random Thoughts

 Next week,school is back.If I could choose,I will be in my home without going out forever.It disgust me that everyone sees me as a guy and have no idea of my feelings of my body or that I like guys.I hate my body almost all the time,but I still believe if I get hormones fast enough I can "pass"(hate that word).
 I have no desire to talk to people,most of the time I have no desire to laugh.Still,I wish I had a group of friends.Since I was 7 I had a friend,he was my best friend(my brother's too)and I always imagine me as being the girl of the group,but still tomboyish.He stopped talking to us since last year and now thinks that other guys are his friends,but they only make fun of him.My parents talk all the time to cut my hair,because like I said before is thick and I let it messy all of the time.the bad part is that is not even long,but is not very short also.
 Some days I feel like I'm ready to come out and tell my parents everything,but the next day I feel that maybe another day,I feel stupid.Sometimes I think of making a blog in portuguese or just make a post in english and other in portuguese.
Bye
 

Thoughts and Searching

 It's being a while since I started thinking of this,of how different Mtf and FtM are,like,I know how is the feeling of hating your body and thinking that you should have been born in the other gender,but still is very hard to try to think of how is like to want to be a guy,or hating to be a girl.It's funny,because if is hard to me to understand,it must be really hard to cisgender people to get it too,and it's even worst because they don't have the feeling of wrong body.
Just a random thought.The Laura's Playground Forum is great,I'm reading a lot of topics about coming out and HRT,and made some of my own,even thinking of posting this one there,maybe
Trying to search for therapists in the beginning of this year I found a female therapist that doesn't answer my e-mails,only put the number of her clinic.I don't know if I should call her,but my brother is always at home.I'm triyng to ask to some FtM sites(in one of them I found this therapist) because they are brazilian and maybe know some professionals who work in Curitiba.
Bye^^