Romance

I've said this before here but I don't really think I'll ever live a romance. Either because I'll never love someone and surely because no one will ever love me in a romantic way. I like to listen to music with romantic lyrics to create this scenarios where I'm a girl and those lyrics are for my loved one.

I think it was two years ago I posted about daydreaming about being on a weekend trip to a small coastal town with a young Timothy Hutton after listening to We've Only Just Begun. I'm over him now, and with a new guy in mind so again I'm making up these scenarios again. (it's a got actor good sis look it up). There's a tiny age difference me and meeting him in my main fantasy life would make sense. It would take luck but it would not be impossible. I don't know if he's just aging weirdly or just needs to loose a little weight to get back to his 2013-2014ish look.

It's kinda greedy for me to want this life, I'd not only be my true self but the best version of it, a exciting career just starting, traveling all over the world, having my first romance. I'd have CAIS but compared to my current situation that would be heaven.

The whole idea of the first romance is so exciting for me. The first time holding hands, first date, first kiss, first time meeting his parents, etc. It's intense but so pure at the same time, even if it start to become a sexual relationship it just seems like to people having a lot of first time experiences together and taking every opportunity to express their love for each other. Actually having such a strong feeling for someone and to have them feel the same, it sounds so nice.

Funny thing I can't really picture a fantasy life in the long run with them, I think the blue eyes, skinny guy with somewhat delicate but sharp features thing only works for me if it's the actual first love or one of the first ones. And I feel like a idiot for posting this, but if I don't I'll keep going this through in my head until I come up with the best way to write it down.

It could make for a good post but I'd rather have a good night of sleep. Didn't went to my classes last week, but I only have 3 days now, since it's the last semester with the big project. I still have no idea what to do, still sad that's it's all going to be over soon and my life has not changed a bit. Maybe with time I'll just get used to being miserable all the time and find peace in some way. I'm tired of feeling like this and looking like this.