Rambling

I started to think about this yesterday,to me,if I could create a place to live eternally,it would be a rather small town,like those cute ones in England or Germany,in a landscape,vast fields with trees,mountains and lakes like in Switzerland.There would be no measurement of time,but a hazy concept.There would be other cities,but traveling would be uncommon.There would be internet,but people would not spend the whole day on it.Lot's of dancing, partying and fairs.People would work and gain money from it,but would enjoy their jobs.

I am done

I was forced to get a haircut yesterday.As I went back to my house,my father started to yell saying that it was enough,that if I wanted to cut my dick off it was okay,that he is not going to intrude my life anymore.All because according to him my hair was the same,and that I asked to the hairdresser to not cut much.

My mother came home,and then they started the speech.That I'm too shy to be transgender,that a surgery will not solve my problems,that if I keep like this I'll have no money or job.And just to finish it,said that I should get blessed by a priest or something,just to see if it works.

Really,they pretty much told me they didnt paid attention to what I wrote,that I'm a liar.

I am done with this,all I want is to stay on my bed every single day,avoid the mirror,not to see my body getting more and more deformed...I just wish I could be happy and normal.

Time for a update

The Lady of Shaloty-1888-J.W. Waterhouse

Hello
Regular classes already ended,now it's only for those who need for preparation for entering college.I attended the Geography one,because I like it very much,and planning on going on others too.Thing is,I believe I didn't passed the college test,the public college,the best one.My choices are either try again next year,doing this year again for preparation(what I want to,because I'm not really ready for college,and would love one more year with awesome teachers) or to go to paid college,which I passed.

I have a test tomorrow,last one.All subjects,like it's been all this year,but only 3 hours.I really need great grades on Physics and Chemistry,and I know I'm screwed,so much to think I may fail this year,and then,be forced to re-do it again,but as a regular year,not just preparation.

Looking back,the year seemed long,maybe because it was a new routine and school(like said before,same school but different building/area),but still I have that feeling it just flew away from my reach.I regret not trying making friends,and trying getting closer to teachers.I have my top 3 favorites,but they're all nice,and I do have a bit of a crush in one of the Biology ones.

Lot's of awful feelings over my body,my facial hair,manly hands...I wish I could had started hormones and could go full time next year.No therapy,my parents must pretend nothing's wrong.I'm just very sad about how this year turned out to be in some aspects,I wish I could be a normal girl.

Mural Braddict