sexta-feira, 8 de maio de 2015


Nothing new to report, I made zero progress on pretty much everything, including transition. Each day I feel more hopeless about everything. I'm nearly numb about life in general, I daydream my time away and pretend there's nothing wrong. Just like I was in denial about growing up and going through puberty, now I'm in denial about growing older and having a shitty life. So I'll do nothing about it.

 The worst thing is that occasionally my depression bleeds through my daydreams, and it ruins my mood. It happened recently and now I'm having trouble to daydream about the fantasy life where something bad happened, and even daydream about other things as well. I hope this go away soon, my daydreams are one of the few good things I have.

  And even though I'm numb I'm also very anxious, usually late in the afternoon I'll start feeling jumpy, like I should be doing something, even if it's just walking around the house. I suddenly remember all my responsibilities, deadlines, etc and realize if I don't get out of this vicious cycle my life is going to be miserable.

  Things would be easier if I had my family's support, I'd be on HRT already, I wouldn't feel like I'll have to go through transition on my own.


Um comentário:

  1. Hi hon,

    It's Cass. I'm so sorry you're struggling so. I can tell you this: I once was where you are right now.

    But I can tell you firsthand - you CAN do this. I did it, and you can too. The fact that you maintain a blog and keep writing is proof. That is your true self, deep down inside, telling you to keep going.

    I guess the bottom line is this: don't give up. Ever. You can do this. I know you can. Because I did. You can reach out anytime you need a friendly voice: I had several friends I met online early on who helped me in those early days; their support was a large part of how I found the inner strength to fulfill my destiny. Again: I did it. So can you.

    Hope to hear from you sometime, hon. I'll be thinking of you. :D

    Hugs & love,