Most of the time I just can't picture myself happy,living a normal life that I wish everyday.I keep looking at myself in the mirror,and wonder how much will I change by the time I'm 18.Like I said a thousand of times,my hands are large with a very masculine shape.The feet are very large too,but they don't appear as much as hands,although I know buying shoes will be awful.My issue is,I look a lot like my father when he was younger,and I have the same body type.I'm tall,very very hairy and my shoulders are getting bigger,while my hips not so much(inverted triangle.although my shoulders are slightly bigger then hips),voice getting deeper.His hands are HUGE.I'm not exasperating,they are not only long,but extremely thick and fat.There is no way someone could pass with his build.
Besides the looks,I don't know if people will treat me different.I'm very shy,how I'll react to nasty comments or just a polite question?My country does have quite some hate crimes toward gay people,I have to admit it scares me.All I do is just daydream of either having coming out earlier and living as female already,or have being born female,but not fertile,that would be too much luck.
I feel that I'll be on of those weirdos that people whisper about at break time on their work,or when they go out with their friends.I'll probably be at home all the time,playing video games...
Small update,my father said that he will be getting a therapist for me soon,but still talked about how most transwomen are prostitutes,and he doesn't believed when I said I stayed away from trans websites,he always thinks he's right and know if I'm lying or not,it's really annoying.
Just a rant with a update.