segunda-feira, 9 de julho de 2012

Looking back

 I was watching some videos I loved to watch of T girls on Youtube.I remember how I felt connected to those people,how I wanted to start my journey and live my life like they did.I was so hoping my parents would be understanding,by my logic I would be almost a year on hormones now,my hair would be shoulder length and I would be looking great.Of course,sadly,nothing of this happened to me,I tried not thinking of being transsexual but I can't.I daydream a lot,pretty much all the time.It can be about me being born female,me being great at singing,me coming out at 10 so I would avoid puberty,me as a whole different person and married to Tom Hiddleston(yes,I still like Bradley Cooper).
 I feel sometimes that if I were born a girl,I would be starting to be less tomboy,but not too girlish either,just in between,like most "normal" girls are.My mother everyday complains about being female,she think it will make me change my mind.Both of my parents doesn't understand the urgency of hormones,my mother said something like "Oh why don't you wait me to die before doing such things" or my father saying I need to graduate.I know,it's getting repetitive always complaining about it,but I can't help it,my teen years are ending.Don't get me wrong;drinking,smoking,having sex and party hard are not my ideas of fun,but how I wish I could get like 3 friends come over,get some snacks and just have fun,watch a movie,etc.
 I just envy so much people who are happy with their lives.At the same time,it makes me feel good for them,knowing that not everyone have to be miserable like me

I just needed to do one of my monthly rants on how my life sucks,how I don't have any friends and how I just hate my body to death.

2 comentários:

  1. It may sound hypocritical but things do get better. I'd say most of the happy transitioners we see on YouTube also went through this crap in their teens, and many transition later and are ecstatic about their "new life".
    I can totally relate to what you say about your parents... they have many wrong ideas about what being trans is... my parents would tell me too, that being a girl/woman is not that cool, that it's men who run the world, that I need to focus on other things (like my studies) and not give gender so many thoughts... they just don't know, don't understand what it's like to be trans. They seem to think that we just woke up one morning and said "it would be cool to be a girl" and we're totally obsessed with that ever since. :/

  2. Yes,it's basically how my mother sees it,and cis people say things like "if I were of the opposite gender" without knowing that there's nothing fun or entertaining in being the wrong body.It may sound weird but I always wished I had a period,and I remember once I was having pain in the stomach,and the girl(it was a summer house of my parents friends,she was daughter of another friend of theirs)was having cramps(colic) and I liked to imagine I was having them too(In the female way)and also wondered what I'll do in my first period.
    Thanks again for commenting :)