😢

College is back and my anxiety is getting hard to handle. I'll be in class and start thinking how my college experience is ending, missing the last few years and wishing I could have been able to live all that as myself. I get anxious about how busy this year is going to be too.

I know I can come back after transitioning but will not be the same thing, I've said this one hundred times but even if I don't ever speak with most people in my class I'm used to have them as classmates, hearing their drama and everything. I hate the feeling that's all over and that I'll regret not enjoying myself for the rest of my life.

Had something shitty happen where I intern, I was pretty much yelling and cursing in my head for nearly 2 hours straight by how angry that made me feel. I had one good thing happen a few days before so it feels things are just balancing out to be shitty again.

It's bizarre to think three years passed by so quickly, I try to remember which class I had in which semester and I keep mixing things up. Now changing subjects I just wish we could live in a extremely convincing lucid dream after dying, I could live out all the fantasies I have, the mundane, the impossible and the fantastical ones.

I'm tired of feeling negative emotions most of the time, to be so uncomfortable and miserable. I don't want to feel all this pain.